Every 6–8 weeks, we women go to our hairstylists to get our hair cut. Why do we do this? To get rid of all the dead ends so our hair can grow back healthier and stronger. We don’t get upset about the strands and length we are losing because we know what will grow back will be much better than anything we lost. How amazing do you feel when those wiry dry strands have been cut. You feel great! Your hair feels lighter and bouncier and overall healthier. I use this metaphor for living your life, as I believe we need to reguarly trim the dead ends in our lives, so we are free to grow back healthier and stronger.
We all know the dead ends in our lives we need to cut that are weighing us down. A dead end job, a dead end relationship, dead end friends, dead end family, dead end eating habits, dead end mindsets, I could go on and on.
There is an amazing quote contributed to the great psycho analyst Sigmund Freud that goes “before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, surrounded by assholes.
I love this quote because the people you surround yourself with affects who you are substantially. If you are finding yourself depressed, unmotivated and not succeeding at life look around at who you are surrounded by, who you reaching out to and the most important who are you getting advice from.
I see so many people taking relationship advice from people who are bitter and hate men and think they are all cheating assholes, so what do you think that girl is to think about men, that they are all cheating assholes too. That will be her new reality and it will stop her from creating the actual reality she wants of having a loving relationship with a man.
If your friends are all negative and constantly laughing at any dream you bring up, do you think you are ever going to achieve your dreams?
There comes a time in your life when you have to do a weeding per say, of your social garden and you need to get rid of any of those toxic plants taking over so the flowers can grow and bloom.
This is what I did. Write a list of all your friends and family and beside their name write a feeling you feel associated to them. Be honest! If there are words like, not worthy, stressed, draining, demanding, ruthlessly put a strike through that name. By the time you are done yo are only left with the people in your life that bring you positivity and support your goals.
Now I am not saying cut the people out of your life that sometimes give you a kick in the ass to get you out of your funk. One of my best friends does that and as much as I hate hearing it sometimes I need that kick in the ass and it always triggers me into action. So I keep him around.
But if there is someone in your life you feel you can’t truly be yourself around or tell them your real dreams because they will tell you to be realistic. Cut them. Just so we are clear, I don’t mean physically cut them, just stop talking to them.
If they are really close childhood friends or family, that you would like to keep in your life, then be brave enough to have an honest conversation with them about how their negative mindset is not serving you right now and you need to take some distance.
I actually had a conversation with a close friend who was overly sarcastic all the time and I would laugh along but deep down I hated it and it didn’t make me feel good being the butt of the joke all the time. I ended up having an honest conversion with him about it and he actually apologized and admitted his overly sarcastic nature had affected his relationships in the past and he went cold turkey and stopped. He is still in my circle of friends and one of my biggest supporters.
So if there are people on your list you would like to give a second chance, have an honest open conversation about it and see if they are willing to change, because sometimes we don’t know how bad our vices affect people until they tell us.
Another big one is block those people on social media that make you feel bad about yourself. You know who I am talking about. The Instagram models, the ex partners, your partners ex partners. I went through and blocked every person that when they popped up on my feed gave me negative emotions. I blocked certain influencers and guys I had dated that just reminded me of the rejection and failures and do you know what, it felt amazing. The great thing about blocking and not just unfollowing is when you are feeling particularly lonely and nostalgic you can’t stalk them. They just aren’t there anymore.
This was a game changer for me because now when I do look at instagram I feel inspired and empowered because I follow all my beautiful amazing friends, successful business women, inspiring fitness influencers and entrepreneurs.
Also get a tribe that like to socialize and do the things that bring you joy. For instance, standing at a bar and drinking bores me to death, so most of my tribe doesn’t drink and we catch up for brunches, movies, picnics in Central Park, we work out together, or we go support them at an event they are in.
Socialize on a platform that makes you happy and if your tribe is always suggesting to catch up doing something you hate and aren’t open to your suggestions, it’s time for a new tribe.
It’s not that easy you say to make new friends. Bullshit. I have lived all over the world and had to start over again and again and again and I have made amazing friends everywhere I lived.
The problem with humans is we are so scared to start conversations with strangers from fear of being rejected. But this is the very key to making new friends. Go do something you love doing that brings you joy and then start a conversation with the people that are there doing the same thing. It’s that simple.
The key is to get off your couch turn off Netflix, and go out into the real world and connect with real people. There are so many amazing people to meet in this short time we have on earth, you just have to say hello and take it from there.